How I Know I Can Make it as a Dad

This past weekend, my wife's nephew (I guess my nephew-in-law) came down with her family.
We are pretty tight...not in a Michael Jackson sort of way. I taught him to call me "brotha".

Cute stuff aside.

This past weekend, he really wanted to play basketball with me in the park near my house. He had been feeling sick for most of the weekend but I promised if he felt better I would take him to the court. After, a spell of the raunchiest gas I have ever smelt and vomiting, he swore he was fine to go play a game of b-ball.

So I take him...About 10 minutes into the game the following plays itself out.

Jonathan (the kid) : Escuse me, excuse me...
Me: What's wrong?
Jonathan: We have to go back to your house right now.
Me: Why? What's wrong?
Jonathan: I just went bathroom in my pants.
Me: Pee or Poo?
Jonathan: Diarrhea.

I almost busted out laughing but something held it in...I took his hand and began to walk him back to the house. All the while he held his backside out as far as he could as if that would keep the slowly creeping poo from touching him.

We finally near my house and he makes me promise not to tell anyone. We sneak by his grandparents and into the bathroom. I leave him there and look for some clothes he can change into...nothing. I go back and tell him I can't find any more of his clothes. He tells me there aren't anymore and just to get him some wipes.

Fortunately, after two baby showers, I have plenty of those in stock. I hand him one through the door and he hands me his poo streaked underwear back.

Me: What am I supposed to do with these?
Jonathan: Get rid of them!
Me: Where?
Jonathan: I don't care...just put them away.

I decide my best bet is to use my toilet as an agitator and dunk the underwear quickly up and down while flushing the toilet. He walks in on me doing this and tells me that his underwear are going to clog the toilet. I explain what I am doing, but I don't think he gets what I am saying.

I go to the sink and wash the rest off with soap. I then proceed to pick up my wife's hairdryer and for 10 minutes blow dry his shorts. I hand them back to him and tell him to put them back on.

Later that night he told me that during his bath his mom didn't notice the stain. He hi-fived me and went to bed.

This dad thing is in the bag...

Now, promise not to tell...